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by Raven802



Category: Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, References to Halo (Video Games)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22150006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven802/pseuds/Raven802
Summary: Note: I started writing this Story planning on spending time with one of my favourite couples.  Only my muse had other ideas. And I ended up with this Angst piece that just wanted me, to cry.....sigh. This brief story has nothing to do with the conflict in halo but more to do with the man who gave all for his world.I appreciate a gentle critique.Summary:  Have you ever had your world crash down on you. If life just stopped, you ask to get off. There was a moment like that for me. Where I realized I was the biggest idiot and it was to late for me to do anything about it.
Relationships: Cortana/John-117 | Master Chief
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Home

They said, you didn’t dream when you where in Cryo.  
Bullshit…  
You dreamed; so vividly that your mined was filled with endless visualization that made you go insane. My only wish that someone would wake me and end the nightmare.

If I could see my self I would see my fingers twitch in that glass coffin. If I could reach the control panel, I be pulling myself out but I can’t.  
Dreams come in waves. I am immersed in endless battles.  
Death..  
Distractions  
Chaos.  
And I....In the center of it.  
I...The creator of it. My pulse rifle blasts, bringing death..  
My fingers twitch again. I just squeeze the trigger. In my mind. I re-live every bloody battle from my past. There are no feelings, only reactions, when I battled.  
My head twists and my body dodges energy bolts.. and I react as I somersault over my enemy, and even before I land am taking them out.  
And in the midst of it all.  
She is there. Guarding...Guiding. Watching my six.

I know, I can count on her.  
My Cortana.  
Her voice. Calm,directing.. Soothing. She’s making necessary calculations to save my ass. She’s ...My blue angel.  
The corner of mouth twists. A cruel smile. A sadistic berserker in the midst of chaos. My unhinged phase, when I go to war. If anyone saw my face..... I would be put under medical evaluation, but mercifully, I am hidden behind my helmet.  
But my Cortana knows. I could always feel her. Data stream fingers, land on my shoulders and gently move up my neck. Easing the tension in my corded neck. Deep in the recesses of my mind, I know I’m torn apart and she is my glue. Images replay; over and over again and she patches me up.

I was always the hunter. Always stalking my prey and she...Always my anchor. My moral compass. A digital intelligence that was the only one keeping me morally sane and human. Life the biggest pile of Irony,There ever is.  
Cortana urges me to feel, as my dark soul bursts within and my skin itches with my desire to do what needs to be done. She encourages me and I embrace the words as she sends me howling into battle.  
Cortana.  
My dark blue angel that keeps me safe as I cut through my enemies and I feel alive. She is my sword and shield. My demons are no longer held at bay. I bound and I leap like a man possessed. Recklessly, I attach my rifle to my back and pull out my kaybar. It’s serrated edges thirsty. I slice through everything that stands before me. I have pure adrenaline travelling through my blood. I was built for this. I am more machine then human. Death and destruction and my angel always within. My moral compass. .  
Those that underestimate me ...  
Die.  
I am the perfect killing machine.

But now; here in the dark, in my unending frozen sleep. I wait and I dream.  
No!  
Nononono. The word becomes one long mantra. I don’t want to see that nightmare again. But my shit of a mind has other plans. Over and over again it plays out.  
Her cold words echo in my mind. “I’m not coming with you this time, John.”  
“What!?”  
Am not registering her sentence. My panic escalade’s.  
“Most to me is down there.” Her gaze momentarily looking down. I refuse to look.  
“I only held enough back to get you off the ship.” She replies calmly. like it was a trip to a grocery store. 

“No! that’s not... “ I hear myself say. Why can’t I find the words? Panic is enveloping me.  
Stop it! my mind screams.  
Tell her!  
“We go together.” My words sound distant. I cling to what I know. My orders are always followed and I will not fold.  
“It’s already done.” Her soft firm but sad voice trying to penetrate my horrified mind. My world stops and I am in full battle mode and my stubbornness kicks in..I hear the words coming out of my mouth but the rest of me is far away.  
“I’m not leaving you here.”  
She’s not leaving.Then am not either.  
My lips are set in a firm line and I shut my eyes briefly. If I can’t see, it’s not happening. I naively think.  
“John.” My name comes out, imploring from her lips.

My eyes burst open and I refocus on her. She steps closer to me and Iike a idiot I simply stare.  
A breath escapes her. When had she learned to do that? Marvelling at her ability to learn? How I want to inhale that breath.  
Wait. Where did that thought come from?  
She moves like a ghost, till she stands not a foot away.  
I watch as she reaches out and I feel her hand right through my armour. It’s solid and warm and on my bare skin at the same time.  
What she does to me. I can feel the hairs, on my arms raising.  
Why don’t I grab her hand? I should’ve of grabbed on and never of let go.  
“I waited so long to do that.” Her voice mournful and quiet.  
Me to...  
But why did she want to? And for that matter, why did I?  
My senses are short circuiting. I don’t understand what is happening. These emotions are overwhelming and so raw. My mind is mis-functioning. How was I supposed to be feeling here? I don’t understand. Which sensation am I suppose to pick? I never reacted to anyone on my journey like this before.  
No one else, except for her, have I ever felt something.  
How can I express to her, my dedication and that I would do anything for her. How am I, a man that is more machine even know about such things as feelings. How could I possibly....  
love her?  
I have done her wrong, by never saying those words, never showing her.  
My heart is ripping apart. She is overwhelming me. My only thoughts repeating how I had failed her.  
“Cortana...please....” I whisper and shook my head.  
I couldn’t let the words out. I was breaking. I could not look at her beautiful face any longer and my gaze shifts away. My despair crushing.  
Why have I never told her?... shit! Why?  
“It was my job to take care of you.”  
Fragmented.  
Eternity goes by and I can feel her burning hand move across my Chest armour. I Should’ve taken her hand. I should’ve stopped her.  
I should’ve...I should’ve...I...  
“We were suppose to take care of each other.” I barely hear her say and quieter still...  
And we did.” Her words hit me square in the heart.  
I jerk back and search her face. I could read you a Spartan manual word by word. Yet here, I need to express feelings and my heart is ripping apart and I couldn’t tell her a couple of words.  
Not even one word.  
She so close and I drown in her liquid blue eyes.  
Was she forgiving me?  
Don’t..let...her...go...  
“Cortana.”... her name like a prayer on my lips.  
She backs away from me. Something I thought she would never do.  
Dread courses through me. I had forgotten how it felt. I have to tell her. I have to...  
“Wait.” The pathetic word escapes me and no other words come out. I take a a small step towards her.  
“Welcome home, John. She whispers and words sound so alone. Filled with...? Sadness? Anguish? Is that what that feeling is?  
She fades from my view.  
She’s gone.  
She’s gone.  
She’s gone.  
The words echo in my mind and all I can do is stare at the spot, she had been. I need her to come back. How do I get her back?  
She is gone.  
Home... I never physically had one.  
My home was with her. I am homeless now.  
I could care less, what happens to me. Where I am physically. Let me fade into nothing. I am nothing. She is gone and I to am, no more.  
The Nightmare starts again.....


End file.
